As Easy As Falling
by Juliediane
Summary: Written for a writing challenge. Contains the OMC from Elanor’s Revenge in his “real life” persona. Hah!


**Title:** As Easy As Falling

**Author:** Julie

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately I do not own Haldir, nor can I profit from this silly piece of writing. Lurien belongs to Julie & Fianna, but we rent him out.

**Cast:** Haldir, Lurien, Julie, Fianna

**Genre**: Humor (hopefully)

**Note:** Written for a writing challenge. Contains the OMC from Elanor's Revenge in his "real life" persona. Hah!

**As Easy As Falling**

"Hey, you know what?" Julie said, glancing over at Fianna. They were sitting on the deck of Fianna's talan, their feet propped on the rail, with tall glasses of ice-cold lemonade on the table between them.

"Hmm?" Fianna wiggled her bare toes, and smoothed her hand over her gauzy flowered skirt.

"It's been over two years now since we got here."

"You mean here, in Lothlórien?"

"Yes. We didn't always live here, you know. Only for the past couple of years."

Fianna scratched her head. "Well, I don't rightly remember now. It's been so long."

"Well, I remember," Julie said.

"Of course you do." Fianna grinned and sipped her drink, which really was only lemonade, it being a wee too early in the day for Smirnoff.

Julie glanced upward at the tall mallorn trees. "I was just reading about parallel universes the other day. The theory behind them, I mean."

"Parallel universes? You gotta be kidding me."

"Not at all. You know, scientists have known for decades that the universe is expanding, but it's been thought that the expansion was slowing down as the universe aged. I was just talking about this to Haldir the other day . . . "

"Right." Fianna smirked. "That's all the two of you do, talk about silly little quirks."

"Quarks," Julie corrected. "And now there's new data that says that some unknown force is pushing the galaxies apart, causing the expansion of the universe to accelerate."

"The work of Sauron?" Fianna inquired, setting down her glass.

"Possibly. The physicists are now saying that there is a dark energy of unknown origin acting as an anti-gravity force. They now think that empty space contains enough repulsive dark energy to blow the universe apart."

"Cosmic," Fianna remarked, waving past Julie. "Hey, Lurien, do you know anything about dark energy?"

Lurien gracefully leaped over the rail and settled himself on a small stool between the two ladies. "Dark energy?" he repeated, looking thoughtful. "Dark energy . . . "

"He doesn't know," Julie said dismissively. "Anyway, my point is that the more the universe expands, the more dark energy there is to make it expand even faster, leading to an exponential expansion that is really getting out of hand."

"Hmm," said Lurien and Fianna together.

"And you know that the Wilkinson microwave anisotropy probe recently confirmed the age of our universe . . . and they found out it is 13.7 billion years old."

"That's pretty old," Lurien remarked. He sounded rather impressed.

"And the data shows that dark energy makes up 73 per cent of the matter and energy of the entire universe," Julie added.

Lurien sat up straight. "Damn it, that is unacceptable! We can't have that!"

Fianna nodded. "Totally wrong. So what can we do about it?"

"Not much," Julie admitted with a sigh. "What it really means is that the death of the entire universe seems inescapable."

"Damn," Fianna replied. "And I'm out of lemonade."

"May I refill your glass?" Lurien asked politely.

"Please," Fianna replied.

Lurien poured more lemonade from the tall pitcher on the table into both ladies' glasses.

"But happily there is a loophole," Julie told them both, just as Haldir appeared.

"Hi, Haldir," Fianna said with a grin. "Want to sit under me?"

Smiling slightly, Haldir maneuvered himself so that Fianna ended up on his lap, his arm wrapped around Fianna's slim waist. Fianna threw Julie a triumphant I-got-him-first look. Julie sent her back a pleasant that's-okay-because-it's-your-turn smile.

Lurien pouted. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Never mind." Julie patted his hand. "You poured the lemonade instead. That was important."

Lurien brightened. "You were saying something about a loophole?"

"Yes," Julie said with a nod, "the good news is that it seems there is no law of physics to forbid anyone from entering a parallel universe. In fact, Einstein's general relativity theory allows for the existence of "wormholes", which could also be called gateways connecting parallel universes. That is how we got here, to Lórien, you know."

"Which means what?" Lurien looked confused.

"It means we are really here!" Fianna exclaimed. "I'm not just imagining all this!"

"The idea that our universe coexists with an infinite number of parallel universes is certainly an intriguing one," Haldir remarked. "Another idea I find fascinating is the one about "parent universes" that bud "baby universes" in a continuous, never-ending cycle."

"Like soap bubbles, spawning other soap bubbles," Julie agreed.

"Hmm," Lurien said, trying to look as though this made sense to him.

Fianna was playing with Haldir's hair and made no comment.

"But what caused the big bang?" Julie asked. "That's another question."

Lurien smirked and raised his hand. "Um . . . can I answer that one?"

"NO!" said Haldir and Fianna together.

Lurien sighed.

"You know, Einstein's theory of gravity breaks down at the instant of the big bang, and so we can't really answer the deep philosophical questions raised by this event," Julie told them.

"Thank the Valar for that," Lurien muttered. "We'd be here all day."

"Do you have an appointment?" Fianna asked.

"Not really," Lurien said vaguely.

"And of course we all know that quantum theory and Einstein's relativity theory are complete opposites," Julie added with enthusiasm.

"Yes, we all know that," Fianna said with a giggle. "Complete opposites, like male and female."

Lurien smiled. Finally, a joke he understood.

"Quantum theory deals with the subatomic realm of electrons and quarks," Haldir explained, "while relativity theory rules the world of the very large, the black holes and expanding universes."

"I'm starting to believe you two really do talk about this stuff when you're alone together," Fianna said rather accusingly to Julie and Haldir.

Haldir looked amused. "Sometimes yes," he acknowledged. "Sometimes no."

Julie blushed. "And I'm sure you know that these two wonderful theories have not yet been unified into a single, coherent theory."

"Not yet anyway," Lurien said. "But give our smarty pants Marchwarden a few more days . . . "

"Today's physicists are trying to come up with a theory that will explain everything," Julie went on, "and so far the best idea is the String Theory."

"Ah," said Lurien, nodding wisely. "String. Of course. I should have guessed."

"Imagine two parallel sheets of paper," Julie said. "An ant lives on each one. Each ant believes that its sheet of paper is the entire universe. Neither ever knows about the other ant. Yet they are so close they can almost touch. They exist in parallel universes."

"Wow," Fianna said, tracing a finger over Haldir's lips. "Sounds lonely."

"So one theory," Julie explained, "is that our universe may be floating in 11-dimensional hyperspace, while we remain oblivious of the parallel universes floating nearby."

"And if gravity happened to attract two universes together?" commented Haldir.

"You'd have a Big Splat," Julie said with a nod. "It's just a theory, but what a theory, eh? So now the scientists are conducting experiments to search for the existence of a parallel universe."

"But wait," Fianna said. "Haven't we already proven this?"

"We?" Lurien inquired.

"Julie and I . . . and all the other ladies who have come to Lothlórien to live. Didn't we get here through a wormhole or something, Julie?"

"Yes, that's exactly my point. While scientists are trying to build_laser implosion machines or nanobots to sail through black holes, Fianna and I have effortlessly traveled between our universe and the one in which Arda and Lothlórien exists. And we have done this repeatedly."_

"This is mind-blowing," Fianna decided, after mulling this over for perhaps three seconds.

"Indeed," Lurien said gratefully. "That is my thought as well."

Haldir smiled.

"So the real question is . . . do we tell them?" Julie said.

"Tell who?" Fianna echoed.

"The physicists and scientists. Do we tell them how we did it?"

"What, are you crazy?" Fianna shook her head. "My dear, it's clearly time for the Smirnoff. Anyway, I don't recall it being difficult at all, so I don't know what all the fuss is about. Let them figure it out for themselves."

"I suppose you are right. There really is no need to share our secrets . . . with anyone other than elf lusting ladies, I mean."

"Certainly not," Lurien agreed wholeheartedly. "Share it only with elf lusting ladies."

Fianna glanced upward to gauge the angle of the sun. "Fetch the Smirnoff, Lurien!" she commanded. "It is time."

"Yes, my lady." Lurien bustled into the talan while Fianna nuzzled her lips against Haldir's neck. Julie sipped her lemonade and listened to the soft whisper of rustling mallorn leaves, feeling very relaxed and happy. Fianna was right, as always. It was so wonderful to have such a wise friend.

Lurien returned with the vodka and four glasses.

"Yes, getting here was easy," Fianna commented as Lurien handed her a glass with a small amount of Smirnoff in it. "And staying here is even easier."

"As easy as falling," Julie agreed. She and Fianna clinked glasses and grinned.


End file.
